It's Complicated

                                   

Dreaming  ... Shhh,  don't tell.. I am a fairy princess!    

 

Actually, I am the real Princess.  I am the modern bride and I know what I want.

                          

             ..and then things start change.  How can such a little thing create so much chaos? 

                             

                                                              ..and we learn how to juggle!  

                                  

The mental and financial cost of raising kids -  the sleepless nights, the worry, the babysitters, dance classes, baseball coaches.


What about those teenage years .. and beyond!  Braces, cell phones, computers, prom dresses, cars, and college tuition.  Did I miss anything? 


                                 


                 


Parenting, the ultimate sacrifice and display of unconditional love and forgiveness.  A tough job and one that you can never run from - once a parent, always a parent. 


The feeling of self-sacrifice may take a toll over time, leaving us a little lost, challenging our character, or in some cases - our love towards our partner. We also learn about ME-ism - You aren't meeting MY needs, I want this, You aren't doing your part, We are no longer soul-mates because of YOU. Do you ever wish you knew back then what you know now?


I need, I want, I must have these now .. can't wait.
Have you ever got caught up in it and then felt a little selfish? We learn over time that good luck and fortune isn't handed to us, it's created through hard work, patience, and the drive to succeed.  We seem to live in a place where we want it now and we want it to be good .. because that's what we deserve, right?  Think Hollywood movie romances.  Oh! So that's what I should going for - talk about instant gratification!


Almost a decade ago, my husband and I were staying at a lovely resort in Maui. Relaxing in our room, window open, listening to the ocean, feeling the warm breeze .. we suddenly heard a loud male voice say " I want what I want when I want it" and his female companion (probably his wife) replied "well.. you'll get what you get when you get it" .. I guess that sums it up perfectly. 





My life has been like most I assume .. peaks and valley's, struggling to figure out why my life wasn't like a Hollywood fairy tale.  Trying to learn how to love unconditionally, becoming a good listener and respecting and trusting my family and partner's perspective - easier said than done.  


Now that the kids are older, where do we start?  I'm making a list of house upgrades, I'd like a new car, the list goes on .. lots of material things that I've done without all these years.


On Valentine's Day, my husband arranged for an intimate dinner out. Before dinner he opened a folder and handed me a piece of paper (struggling to read with my aging eyes and the romantic candle light) I read SEA to NY, NY to Paris - What??!! We are going to Paris to celebrate one of those mile-stone anniversaries. I am beyond excited and I might also add this is my FIRST time going (I think everyone has been there but me, right?)  I began to think..  interesting that my husband's first priority was to re-kindle things,  while I was thinking about all that material stuff.  I guess I'll have to wait a little longer to start on the bathroom re-do .. and that's okay with me ;)


Keep the fire going .. and never stop dreaming ~

                                                                                   xx leslie



sources: Disney, 1motherofthebride, Google, La Perla,Parent Zone, Soda Head, Nordstrom, Paris Perfect 

The Way We Were

 

Happy Monday morning!  Mmmm, my coffee is brewing, checking emails, working on my to-do list. I hope you had a restful weekend and are looking forward to the week ahead.

 

About a year ago I read "The Help" for Book Club.  It was a quick easy read and very thought provoking.  I finally saw the movie this weekend and really enjoyed it.  It got me thinking about the difference in social norms and culture back then, along with the role of women as wives and mothers.  


The stay-at-home mom..




                                         
.. the look of the day..
                                          


..and the working woman (oh goodness, how might I help here?)


 
                                          
source


Was life simple for women back then? They seemed to have clearly defined roles and few choices in their life path. Fast forward 60 years, the modern Mom has a much more complex life.  She can do it all if she wants to and she is great at multitasking, right?  A typical Mom today might assume role as primary care-taker of the kids, manage the house chores, plan meals, and then moments later - take off her track shoes and put on her heels, heading out the door for a long day at the office. 








I felt curious watching the cast of characters in this movie. What if I were a young Mom back then?  What would my life have been like?

What was a woman like back in the 50's?  I could see parts of my Mother in this movie and memories returned as I recall her saying  ".. I didn't nurse you because I was told it wasn't necessary and Moms had more important things to do.."  As my Mother observed me raising my own daughter, she heard me say " you are my little princess and I love you so much... you can do it, follow your heart, (and during the awkward years) look how pretty your are!"  My Mother would say "it will be interesting to see how your daughter grows up .. you do things differently .. why do you call her your little princess and tell her she is beautiful? I never said those kinds of things to you because I was told that would make you think too highly of yourself.."  There is no doubt that Mother's loved their children back then - things were different.  


My Father was born in the South and I have four cousins (Paula, Pam, Patty, Penny) and an Aunt that still reside there. When my son was an infant (almost 20 yrs ago) we traveled there to visit my ailing Grandmother.  The culture at that time was reminiscent of the 50's scenario that I saw in the movie, and I recall having several uncomfortable moments.  My cousins found it a-bit "old fashioned" that I nursed my child and the men were terribly uncomfortable with the thought of it.  Thus I got in the habit of nursing in private where no one might get a glimpse of this odd and mildly exhibitionist behavior.  One afternoon we enjoyed a ladies lunch HERE     and I was escorted by "the help" to a private room when my son needed attention.  I was cared for by a kind old woman whose face and loving kindness I will never forget.




It's safe to say we have evolved as wives and mothers. My daughter is a much different young woman than I was at her age and I certainly have no regrets about telling her that she was a beautiful little princess.  


xx
leslie