You're out to lunch with your girlfriend and the news isn't good.. "I think I'm having problems at home.. I feel sick.."
When a close friend confides in you... what should you say?
Perhaps the person in question is also a close friend.. or what if a serious illness is involved.. or a teen that's in trouble?
We've all been there... you want to help.. but how?
It's tough to recognize when a friend needs space or wants contact. Maybe they say "leave me alone" but really need your friendship.
How do we know if we are crossing the line??
via
Try not to judge.. hold back on a quick comment.. give it some thought.. speak easy.
Become a good listener.. essential for true friendship in my book!
It might be best to stay neutral... encouraging strength without dependence. Focus on positive life events and things that bring little pleasures to daily living.
Keep it confidential...show trust. It' saddens me to hear the neighborhood gossip when something goes wrong. I despise those that chatter about others, using a human tragedy as a platform for themselves to express their righteousness.
Choose words carefully. Be there when she needs someone to talk to, trying not to exceed personal boundaries. Give her space, call, send a card, check in. Treat friends as you would like to be treated. Help her to think CLEARLY..
Life is a journey with twists and turns. Resilience, faith, hope must prevail.
What would you say?
I'm posting early this week because we are squeezing in a last minute getaway for a few days. My computer is coming along :) so I will be staying in touch. Enjoy the rest of your week!
xx
leslie
Hi Leslie, thank you for stopping in to see me!
ReplyDeleteI think you are very wise...these words you are speaking above, show caring and kindness, without judging or interfering...what a true friend should be. N.xo
there is a wise counselor who says being listened to feels so much like love, most people don't know the difference.
ReplyDeleteit really is an important skill.
smiles.
michele
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteA lovely thought provoking post.
Yes, true friendship means sometimes being a good listener, and somehow finding just the right words.
Hope you have a lovely break,
Lizx
Hello Leslie, an interesting monologue. I agree, listening is so important. And when someone is having troubles, I think it is always good to ask more questions to make sure that you understand the issues. So true that people will use others tragedy {or missteps} to try to elevate themselves, not nice.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I think you would really appreciate a book I am giving away right now, a signed copy of Social Q's by Philip Galanes. He gives such great advice on social interactions. He writes a column in the Sunday Style section of the New York Times by the same name and also gives advice on the Today show. He's going to send a personalized copy to the winner of this giveaway. Here's a link if you are interested: http://www.splendidmarket.com/2012/08/social-qs-giveaway.html
That is a tough one. I usually take signs from my friend in need and then be truthful. It is easier sometimes to just say what they want to hear but I have always thought it is better to tell them how you see it...in the most delicate way possible. We all need that one friend that can tell us like it is regardless of our reactions. Thank goodness for them otherwise we could be missing great opportunities in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI believe it's all about listening. And i totally agree with..."Help her to think CLEARLY." it's what we all need...clarity! Beautiful post on friendship.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie ~~~ Your post is so full of wisdom. You are truly a good friend indeed with such powerful insight. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you Leslie.
Michele
Pearl 13.1
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteThought provoking post and yes, a true friend would be there to listen, help and as they say a problem shared is a problem halved.
We have all been there and just need to show love, support and kindness to our friends.
enjoy your getaway
Hugs
Carolyn
Well said, Leslie and I will keep this in mind the next time I am in such a situation. And yes, I too can't stand gossips!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and helpful...sometimes what people need most is a listener - which can be very hard to find these days. Support and love are also so needed!! Hope you enjoy your get away :))) xx
ReplyDeleteAs you say, being a good listener is the most important thing and making more time than usual to see a friend who is having problems. Have a lovely, relaxing break!
ReplyDeletehttp://missbbobochic.blogspot.co.uk/
Hi Leslie
ReplyDeleteBeing a good listener is crucial in my book - have a great trip.
Joanne
http://www.balletpumpsandroses.com
x
Well I always judge and never stay neutral , I think it's important to judge though it's very unfashionable these days. I really want to bring it back.
ReplyDeleteBut I always back up my friends matter what, being judgemental doesn't stop me from feeling empathy.
Hi Leslie
ReplyDeleteA beautifully heartfelt post! I agree on the importance of really listening, balanced with useful feedback when the listening has been done. Friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to it makes us unfold and expand so that we are able to find our own solutions and peace inside.
Enjoy your getaway!
Fiona
xx
I agree on your general rules. I also think that it's "easier" when a friend confides in you, so that you know that she wants your help, than when you hear about her troubles from third persons, so that you wonder if offering your help might be an intrusion. It's a very delicate subject. Anyway, your wise words tell me you know how to be a good friend. Enjoy your getaway! A big hug
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. And sometimes it's hard to be on the receiving end of a friend who needs to share something with you - for just this reason. It's hard to know what to say that's the right thing! I love the pictures you add to your posts, by the way!
ReplyDeleteSuch a hint of sadness in this post Leslie. I think you are just right...listen, hold near and dear...be there. Be soft, do not judge or make assumptions. Take them for a long drive...so much to life besides love..but it sure ranks up there!
ReplyDeleteIt's so strange that as we get older our friends and family start going through life issues that we just never thought about 10 years ago. We know what you are saying as we are dealing with it a bit ourselves with some of our loved ones. All we can do is listen and support and not judge.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your getaway!
Jayme @ Her Late Night Cravings
I would let my friend know I'm always there for them no matter what time of the day or night if they need to talk. Then it's about being a good listener as you say. People really need to know that someone is there for them and cares.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your giveaway!
XX
Debra~
Hi Leslie - I think "being there" is the most important. Some friends want feedback and guidance while others may not. Being there and listening.....those are so important and valued. Have a wonderful trip!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Loi
I try to just empathize, and love the person
ReplyDeletexoxo
SC
I agree with you, Leslie....you just have to be there;I think good friends just take such strength from knowing you're there and you're on their side...very tender post and beautiful images...I'm sure you're a wonderful friend to have.
ReplyDeleteCatherine
xx
love that phone!
ReplyDeletewanna follow each other?yes no?
uuuum..cheers!
http://fashion-babel.blogspot.com
I think the most important thing is not to judge... Nothing worse that having a problem and feeling judge by the listener
ReplyDeleteLove the images you're sharing here...especially the cup cakes pic is my av ;)
ReplyDelete<3 Elisa
I love the pics. Dreamy. I think the most important thing is to listen and not judge. Soemetimes I think thats what we all need more of. My best people that I turn to...listen and also tell me like it it is. Sometimes we all need that too. I try to do the same. Enjoy your getaway!
ReplyDeleteAs always very pretty images together with wise words. Have a lovely trip : )
ReplyDeleteFantastic and inspiring post, Leslie!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, TO LISTEN is the key verb! When I have problems I need to talk, that's exactly what I need TO TALK, so I don't really need advises, or encouraging words, I jus need to be listened, and to feel loved, whatever the resolutions or the decisions, all I want to know is that I'm not alone...
Big hugs, sweetie!
Inés
SimplyClassyMe.blogspot.com
This is a great post. I definitely agree, that sometimes when a friend is in trouble the best thing you can do is just listen, and they just don't want the advice. Enjoy the getaway.
ReplyDeleteThis is great advice and beautiful photos!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this thoughtful and wise post.
ReplyDeleteAMEN to EVERYTHING you said!! Have fun on your getaway!
What a thought provoking post and wise words provided...gorgeous images.
ReplyDeleteNice post,
ReplyDeletesometimes I give advise
but oftentimes I keep quiet and just lend an ear.
Your girlfriends are clearly blessed to have you. I think what we really want when going through a difficult time is just someone to listen and care. I have two really close friends who have been like rocks for me. The friend who I thought was my BFF just kind of blew me off once my life got chaotic. I guess I didn't fit her picture perfect ideal of the stay-at-home Mom with the picture perfect family any longer. Her loss.
ReplyDeleteWhen a friend needs me, I do my best to be there for them, and listen. Listening works wonders :)
ReplyDeletei think talking from the heart is your best bet - and sometimes people just want to vent and bounce off ideas - so it's good to just be supportive
ReplyDeleteWonderful post Leslie and fitting because I do have a friend going through something really tough right now with her son. She has openly confided in me and I am the only one who knows whats happening besides her family. I would never ever think to breach this trust and it shocks me when I hear of those who think nothing of breaking trust and spreading hateful rumors. Amazing how some people live for others misfortune. As her friend she knows I am there unconditionally and will do anything for her and her family, who I have known for many many years. I listen as much as she wants me to and only offer advice when she asks. Often she just wants a shoulder to lean on and that is what I provide, if she wants more I oblige but am mindul of how difficult it is when you see someone you love going through something difficult. Having a good friend to lean can make an unbearable situation feel "do able".
ReplyDeleteAs most people have stated here.......the most important thing is JUST BE WITH THEM. You don't have to have 'the perfect words' you don't have to come up with 'the answer'. Just truly listen, listen with your heart. People just want to be heard.
ReplyDeletewhat a lovely post...sometimes I find just being there to listen can help so much...enjoy the getaway! xv
ReplyDeleteTotally loved this post!!!Friendship is the best thing in the world. I don't have a lot of them, but a few are enough for me and they make me really really happy!!!!
ReplyDeleteBest Regards
Miss Margaret Cruzemark
http://margaretcruzemark.blogspot.com/
Fabulous post, Leslie! I'm all about listening and trying to get a sense of what my friends truly need during rough times. It's always good to let them know that you are there no matter what.
ReplyDeleteHave a great getaway! xoxo
Cherish your girlfriends. But it´s sometimes tough for all of us, but in the end, who would we be without eachother? I have also noticed that with age, I am now 40, I love and appreciate my girlfriends even more! Didn´t think that in my twenties. Love this post btw Leslie! Have a great vacay!
ReplyDeletexo Caroline
Great post! It always blows me away when women gossip about other women. I have come to believe that these type of women have an intimacy problem and they don't know how to be close with other women unless they gossip. I believe we are here on this earth to help each other. To stand by friends and family. Sometimes a friend just needs to talk and for us to listen, but it is not our job to fix them or change them, but to love them. My mother taught me....if you don't have something nice to say than don't say anything at all.
ReplyDeleteGreat insight and advice as usual Leslie! I seem to have become a de facto agony aunt for alot of my friends. I think in times of difficulty, most of us just want someone to listen without judgement and that's what I try to do. I also keep everything told to me in confidence to myself.
ReplyDeleteHope you're enjoying your getaway!
Rowena @ rolala loves
First rule - listen!
ReplyDeleteGraet Photo Session. I follow your Blog now.
ReplyDeletePlease follow me.
A.
dramaticmode.blogspot.it
Great advice. I thought your point about waiting before you dive in with advice to give it some thought was a great reminder!
ReplyDeleteI listen closely, and try to hear what he or she might need. Then I usually will start with What can I do to help or is there anything, anything I can do? Then follow with I am here for you day or night, just call on me when you need to talk, and everything between us is confidential. Lastly; I think of you all of the time, you know you mean the world to me, You (and your family) are in my prayers.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Karena
Art by Karena
2012 Artists Series
Great post! Hope you enjoyed your break:)
ReplyDelete~Anne
I believe you have covered all aspects of being a true friend very well. In my experience I have learnt to be a good listener and not judge. Friends want a sounding board and given time to think out loud. Sometimes it's hard to bite one's tongue but at times we must.
ReplyDeletexx
I try to be an exceptional listener. And then usually deliver home-baked goods and wine. : )
ReplyDeleteBeautiful pictures ! I absolutely love the post, thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteKisses dear!
/U
pug-a-licious
Lil'Fit
Hey great post here! Well, I think that listening is the most important.
ReplyDeleteI'm your newest follower now, and I hope you will follow me back, it would be great to keep in touch!
XOXO
Ylenia
Great advice Leslie...always good to remind ourselves of this. Thank you for a lovely post, enjoy your break, Avril x
ReplyDeleteWell spoken. I must listen more.
ReplyDeleteNice blog.
ReplyDeleteThat kitten is so cute! :)
ReplyDeleteAll the best,
Jana & Vanessa from charming Berlin ♥
This is such a good post Leslie and you make so many great points because it can mean so much when a friend confides in you and if they trust to tell you something really deep and intense it shows how close to you they feel and that you can be there for them.
ReplyDeleteGreat post,
xoDale
http://www.savvyspice.com/
I love your advice! Have a wonderful getaway!
ReplyDeletexo
Sharon
You, lovely lady, are amazing...
ReplyDeleteCindy
What great advice. My background is Psychology and I tend to be a great listener but I find when I need to 'talk' the last thing I want to do is talk, I'd like to get out and do things with my friends....so I try to mix it up, by being there to talk and listen, and being there to go out and do...
ReplyDeleteMidweek getaways are just the best aren't they? I hope you're having a great time! xoxox
Brilliant post Leslie! I think just listening is good, a shoulder to cry on and a hug! And I'm with you on the gossip thing - I don't gossip and prefer to not comment on other peoples business, the way I see it we all have ups and downs and peoples private lives should be just that - private - unless they want to share something!
ReplyDeleteSharon
xxxx